Let Them Struggle: God’s Design for Growth

​When God designed the butterfly, He built the struggle into its very transformation. A caterpillar does not simply go to sleep and wake up with wings. Inside the chrysalis, its old body breaks down while new structures form. When the time comes to emerge, the butterfly must struggle, pushing fluid into its wings so they expand and harden for flight (Florida Museum of Natural History, 2023). Without this effort, the butterfly’s body remains swollen, the wings deformed, and it will never fly.
This struggle is not an accident; it is by design.
God’s Design for Children, Too
Just as the butterfly must wrestle its way out of the cocoon, our children must wrestle with challenges in life. Struggle is essential for growth. When parents step in too quickly, cutting open the cocoon so to speak, we risk leaving our children unprepared to soar.
Scripture reminds us:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” (James 1:2–3, NIV)
God does not waste struggle. He uses it to produce perseverance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3–4).
The Science of Struggle
Current child development research supports what God’s Word and creation already tell us, children grow stronger when they are allowed to work through challenges.

• Challenging Play Builds Self-Regulation: A 2024 study found that when children engaged in play that stretched their abilities, and parents allowed them to lead rather than stepping in too soon, they developed stronger self-control and problem-solving skills (University of Wollongong, 2024).
• Autonomy Support During Frustration Prevents Behavioral Problems: Research in 2024 showed that when mothers gave support after a child struggled with a puzzle, rather than taking over, the children developed fewer externalizing behavior problems later (Saïb et al., 2024).
• Confidence Grows from Independence: Studies continue to confirm that when young people are given autonomy and support, not constant rescue, they develop higher resilience, optimism, and academic achievement (Nature Scientific Reports, 2024, Frontiers in Psychology, 2025).

In short, children need space to struggle.
What Happens When We Rescue Too Soon
When someone cuts open a chrysalis to help the butterfly, the result is tragic. The body remains swollen, the wings weak, and flight never comes. The same happens when we make life too easy for our kids. They may be comfortable in the short term, but they risk becoming dependent, anxious, and unsure of their own strength. As parents, teachers, and mentors, we are called to protect and to prepare. Protection without preparation leads to fragility. Preparation through allowing healthy struggle leads to resilience.
Becoming the Chrysalis, Not the Scissors
​So how do we parent like the chrysalis, protecting but not rescuing too soon?

• Allow age-appropriate risk, and let your child try new things even if failure is possible.
• Support autonomy, offer choices, and let them take ownership of decisions.
• Coach through frustration, and guide them with encouragement instead of taking over.
• Celebrate effort, and praise persistence and problem-solving, not just outcomes.

Proverbs 22:6 reminds us, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Training involves both teaching and letting children do the work themselves.
Conclusion: Let Them Struggle, Let Them Soar
God never intended butterflies to crawl. He designed them to fly, but only after the struggle of transformation. Our children are the same. If we step in too quickly, we deny them the very process that builds strength, confidence, and independence. Let them wrestle. Let them grow. Let them become capable and resilient. And one day, just like the butterfly, they will spread their wings and soar.

Learn more: 
Florida Museum of Natural History. (2023). Metamorphosis of a monarch butterfly. University of Florida. Retrieved from https://www.floridamuseum.ufl.edu/exhibits/blog/monarch-metamorphosis-video/
Florida Museum of Natural History. (2023). The butterfly life cycle. University of Florida. Retrieved from https://www.floridamuseum.ufl.edu/educators/resource/butterfly-life-cycle/
Saïb, N., Joussemet, M., Cavenaghi, A., & Robichaud, J.-M. (2024). Parental autonomy support and child psychosocial adjustment: Examining the role of cultural hierarchy. International Journal of Child, Youth and Family Studies. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/382348719_Parental_Autonomy_Support_and_Child_Psychosocial_Adjustment_Examining_the_Role_of_Cultural_Hierarchy
University of Wollongong. (2024, March 21). The hidden benefits of challenging play. Early Start Research Institute. Retrieved from https://www.uow.edu.au/media/2024/the-hidden-benefits-of-challenging-play.php
Zhang, J., Chen, L., & Wang, Y. (2025). Autonomy-supportive coaching and youth psychological resilience: A longitudinal analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 16, 1433171. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1433171/full
Zhao, Y., Li, H., & Xu, W. (2024). Parenting autonomy support and adolescent academic resilience: A cross-cultural study. Scientific Reports, 14(55530). https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-024-55530-7